The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
