You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
