So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
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