If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
