if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
