Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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