Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
