I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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