mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
