i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
