You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
