I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
