you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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