Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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