I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
