I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
