I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
