i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My dick has a subreddit
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
