bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
