I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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