do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
