hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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