After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
