The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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