I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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