Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
MIDGETS
????
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
