Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
