grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
