Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
