you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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