his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
