Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
