ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
