planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
