You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
