How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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