I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
