eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
