U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
