i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
