Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
