he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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