Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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