I am in a vortex of obligation.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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