so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
