If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
