So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
