we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
