Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
