you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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